contents

Part One

It’s A Mad, Bad, Joyous And Sad (and very dangerous) World We Live In

1, Why You Should Always Make Sure Your Tent Is Zipped Up At Night When Camping In The Jungle.

2, I Saw My Dad Commit Suicide And Twenty Five Years Later My Best Friend Did Exactly The Same Thing. 

3, Would You Like Vegetables With Your Dinner Sir? Yes, I would. And Make Sure They’re The Right Way Up On My Plate.    

4, Did Our Dogs Know Something Awful Was Going To Happen To My Husband?         

5, How Stopping To Help A Woman Change Her Wheel Saved My Life.     

6, The Most Barbaric Act I’ve Ever Reported On.     

7, An Electrifying Story.      

8, A Job Application That Takes The Biscuit.

9, Sticks And Stones Will Break Your Bones (but concrete lintels do a far better job.)     

10, Ozzy Osbourne Helps Me Escape From My Graveyard. 

11, Justice With A Grave Outcome.    

12, The Greatest Story In This Book?    

13, Flogging A Dead Jockey.    

14, My Daughter Tries To Kill Me When I’m Asleep At Night.    

15, Our Wedding Photo Caught A Murderer.         

16, On The Right Track – To Instant Death.

17, Cheating Premiership Footballer Scores Spectacular – And Rather Expensive – Own Goal.

18, The Man Who Has Saved The Lives Of Over Two And A Half Million Babies.

19, The Democratic Republic of Congo: Hell on Earth.

20, Confessions Of An Innovative Drug Smuggler.       

21, The Train Now Departing From Platform Two Will Be Taking The Dozy Drug Dealer On Board Straight To Prison.  

22, How To Give Up Armed Robbery And Get Away With Taking Money From Banks Legally(ish).

23, Was Likeable Larry Lunching Alone Or Lobbing  His Loved Ones Limbs In The Lake?                 

24, It’s In The Hole! Well, Sort Of.

Part Two

It’s A Funny Old World

1, Dementia Is No Laughing Matter – Though There Are Humorous Moments.  

2, A Tax Investigation And A Marriage Separation That Ended In A Little Bit Of Frustration And Quite A LotOf Elation. 

3, Buggered If I Know What Happened.   

4, Agghh Agghh Agghh Agghh Stayin Alive. Thanks For The Advice Vinny My Old Cocker But In The End All That Was Needed Was A Plaster.

5, If You Don’t Pick Your Dog’s Poop Up Then Watch Your Step!

6, A Period In My Life That I’ll Never Forget.   

7, Where There’s Blame There’s A Claim (even if you’re dead.)

8, My Prank With A Mechanical Moggy Was Quite Cat-astrophic For Busy Body Oggy.    

9, Martin Lewis’s Expert Advice For Money Saving Ended Up Costing Me £200 In New Double Glazing.     

10, He’s Still Alive! Mourners Got A Bit Of A Shock At Pete’s Funeral.

11, Some Mothers Do Ave ‘Em – And I Married One Of Them.   

12, Robert Thought He Was Settling Down To Watch Eric Cantona But All He Saw Was A Gay Porn Star.          

13, A Child ‘Abduction’ That Ended In A (paint) Brush With The Law.  

14, A Sight Fit For A Scene In Benidorm. 

15, Some Brickies In Germany Were Building A Wall, And After Frank Drove A Dumper Truck Into It They Had A Great Fall. (Frank Wasn’t Very Happy Because I’d Just Tickled His Balls)

Part Three

Letters, Limericks, Letting Off Steam And Some Lucky And Unlucky People

1, Who’s The Married Slut At The BBC?  

2, Dear Jeremy Corbyn, Jo Swinson, Gina Miller, Tony Blair and the like.  

3, An Ode To Eamonn Holmes – The Sexiest Man On The Tele’. 

4, Who’s The Eddie Stobart Driver With The Twelve Inch Cock?

5, Not So Much A Story, More Letting Off Steam.

6, The Hypocrisy (and cheek) Of Schools And Councils When It Comes To Kids Having Time Off During Term Time. 

7, Sometimes Honesty Really Is The Best Policy.

8, Looks Like Things Really Do Go In Three’s. 

9, An Outright Champions League Chump.

Part Four

Kids Say The Funniest Things  (And Dads Do The Silliest Things)

1, Florida or Blackpool? Well Florida, Obviously. Erm, Actually….

2, You Can Always Rely On Your Kids To Drop You Right In It. 

3, Some Kids Go A Wee Bit Too Far When They Speak.   

4, Father Christmas Was A Bit Tight Fisted This Year!

5, Ella Had A Gay Old Time Writing Poetry At School Today. 

6, How To Scare Your Kids Shitless At Bedtime (It’s a dad thing.)

Part Five

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words.
A Few More Stories From The Author – with pictures!

1, The Best Steering Lock Ever.  

2, A Wheelie Good Trick To Play On Halloween.  

3, Beware Of The (not as vicious as you may think) Dog.

4, By Gum, These Pork Scratchings Are A Bit Hard.

5, Why I’ll Never Donate To Cancer Research UK Ever Again.

 

*******

If a tramp asked you if you could spare him a cigarette and you kindly gave him one and he thanked you for it and then took £200 out of his pocket and gave it to you and casually walked away, what would you think? Or if you saw a homeless man sat in a shop doorway and you gave him a bit of loose change and he got up and gave you £100, how would you react? And imagine just how elated you’d feel if you were up to your eye balls in debt and were about to be evicted from your home and a Good Samaritan came along and cleared your rent arrears for you and paid off all your debts and then paid for you and your two young children to go to Disney World in Florida. Well these scenarios, and dozens more like them, have actually happened and the ‘tramp’ and the ‘homeless man’ and the Good Samaritan are one and the same person.

‘Tom Jones’ (he explains why he chose that particular pseudonym in the book) is a multi millionaire many times over. He’s worth in excess of £150 million but one day it dawned on him that he’ll never get around to spending all the money he’s got and so two years ago he decided to start giving it away. He doesn’t give it to charity or to any particular good causes he just gives it to complete strangers in bizarre and unusual ways, leaving them totally bewildered into the bargain.

From ‘rewarding’ people who have been kind enough to help him in some way, and sending thousands of pounds inside Christmas cards to people in places he’s never been to, to hiding wads of £20 notes inside newspapers on the London Underground for people to find, and leaving it hanging out of cash dispensers for people to take, to walking up to complete strangers in the street and giving them a thousand pounds. He also cleared one family’s debts and then paid for them to go to Disney World in Florida (which totalled over £10,000) took another family he’d never met before out on his yacht for the day in Majorca and then paid for their holiday, costing him £5,000, and he’s put a homeless man up in a hotel in Brighton for a week! He’s also thrown $50 dollar bills out of his hotel window in Thailand to the local Thai people, and he once sat in a shop doorway dressed as a tramp and then walked into a posh Bistro and gave a lady £100 to pay for her and her friend’s lunch after she was kind enough to give him some change – and nearly gave her a heart attack into the bargain! He also tells of why he gave a woman in Tesco’s a hundred pounds because she sneezed, carried a nurse’s shopping to her car for her and then gave her £250, asked a road sweeper if he believed in the saying ‘where there’s muck there’s money’ and then watched as he dived into his own litter bin after he told him he’d just thrown a thousand pounds in it, bought an elderly couple a rather expensive plasma television in Curry’s, how he goes into shops and hides money inside clothes and books for people to find when they buy them and take them home, and why he paid for fifty MOT’s at a local garage. And he also tells of how he once bought someone an ice cream in the Lake District – along with the other 40 people in the queue behind him!

Bizarre? Slightly odd? Maybe. Does Tom’s generosity brighten up people’s day and put a smile on their faces? Definitely. And to Tom that’s all that matters, and it’s one of the most remarkable stories you’ll ever read…..

How A Wedding Gift For Prince Harry Led To Me Writing An Extraordinary Book For A Multi Millionaire Who Gives His Money Away To Complete Strangers

By Nick Fisher

A few years ago I began writing books. The first few I wrote were adult humour type books and in 2018 I wrote one called The Best Husband and Wife Joke Book Ever.

As the title of it suggests it was a book that contained jokes about being married. And at the beginning of May that year an order came through for a copy of it, and I nearly fainted when I saw that the delivery address to post it to was Kensington Palace and that the recipient was Prince Harry!

The order was placed in the name of Anthony ‘Blues and Royals’ Henderson. I had no idea what the blues and royals meant so I Googled it and saw that The Blues and Royals was the regiment that Harry served in when he was in the army and it turned out that the book was bought by one of Harry’s old army pals as a bit of a joke for his wedding, so I duly sent a copy to him at Kensington Palace. And being a ‘bit of a lad’ I’m sure Harry enjoyed it. I just hope he didn’t leave it lying around for his Gran to find as ‘one’ may not have been so amused if she’d have read it!

Prince Harry is by far the most famous person I know of who has ever read one of my books. Mind you, several infamous people – including well known underworld figures – have read my books too! (Namely the ‘Hardmen and Gangsters’ book I wrote.) And little did I know then that not only would the Husband and Wife joke book be read by someone who is extremely famous it would also lead me to helping write a book for someone who is extremely wealthy.

In March 2018 I was driving home from Surrey to Stockport, where I live, and on the way I stopped off in Oxford where I’d arranged to meet someone. I found a pay and display car park near to where I’d arranged to meet them, parked up and got out of my car to go and get a ticket from the machine, and as I walked towards it I saw a man sat in his car in the bay next to it. It was a lovely car. And a very expensive one too – it was a Bentley Continental worth around a hundred and fifty grand! It also had a private reg’ on it.

When I got to the ticket machine the bloke who was sat in it got out and I looked at him and said ‘hello.’ I actually said, “Alright mate,” and he replied, “Yes, I’m fine thanks.” He then said, “You couldn’t do me a favour could you.” And so I said, “What’s that?” And he replied, “You haven’t got a pound I could have, have you? Only I’ve left my wallet at home and I haven’t got any change for a ticket.”

I started laughing and said, “Are you taking the piss? You drive a car like that and you’re tapping a fucking quid off me!” He smiled and said, “I don’t normally do it! I just realised when I parked up that I didn’t have any money.” So I said to him, “I’m only joking mate. Here you go,” and gave him a quid and he said, “That’s very kind of you.” I replied, “No problem,” and got my ticket and turned to walk back to my car. And as I was walking away he said, “Oh, before you go, this is for you.” And when I turned around he took two fifty pound notes out of his pocket, walked over to me and gave them to me – along with the pound coin that I’d just given him!

I didn’t quite know what to make of it at first. I was a bit baffled. After all, it’s not every day you give someone a quid and they give you £100 back! So I asked him why he’d given it me and he said that it was to thank me for my kindness and for helping him out.

Two thoughts crossed my mind. One was ‘what a fucking odd ball!’ The other was that it was a wind up and that it was being filmed for one of those prank type T.V. programmes where members of the public are set up, like the programme ‘Candid Camera’ from years ago. I actually started looking around for hidden cameras!

But as I was to later find out, it wasn’t a wind up and he wasn’t an odd ball either. He was just a very generous – and very wealthy – person, who a few months prior realised that he’d never get around to spending the millions of pounds he had and so he decided to start giving it away. And I was the very first recipient of his generosity.

It transpired that what he did to me was one of his ‘tests’ that he sometimes does where he rewards people for their generosity or for showing kindness towards others. And he deliberately parked his Bentley next to the ticket machine so people would see it to see if it swayed them as to whether or not they’d give a £1 to someone who was obviously very wealthy. As you’ll see in his book it certainly swayed the two women who he’d asked before me who refused to give him a pound – and subsequently lost out on a hundred quid!

At the time though I really did think it was some kind of wind up. I was half expecting Ant n Dec to jump out of the ticket machine and shove a microphone in my face and tell me that I was on Saturday Night Take Away!

‘Tom’ (he explains why he chose that particular pseudonym in the book) assured me it wasn’t a wind up. He also assured me that the two £50 notes that he’d just given me weren’t fakes. That’s because I was holding one of them up to the light to check if it was real! And he thanked me once again for giving him a £1, wished me a good day and got in his car and drove off.

Like I said, he had a private registration number on his Bentley and it was very easy to remember (it was just two letters and two numbers) and when I got home I rang a pal of mine who’s a private detective and asked him to find out who he was. A couple of days later he rang me back and said that he’d found out who the fella was and said that he was worth millions. And he gave me his address. So I sent him a copy of The Best Husband and Wife Joke Book Ever and I included a note with it saying that I hoped he appreciated the humour like I appreciated the £100 he gave me. He then contacted me and we exchanged emails, in one of which I asked him if he’d ever thought about writing a book about him giving money to people. He said he hadn’t and said that he wasn’t doing it for publicity, nor did he want any, and added that he wouldn’t have a clue where to start anyway even if he did want to write a book about it. So I said to him that if he ever decided to do one to let me know and I’d help him with it and suggested that he could always use a pseudonym if he wanted to keep his identity a secret. And a couple of weeks later he rang me and said that he’d been discussing it with his wife who thought it was a great idea and said that he should do it. And he asked me would I help him with it, and I agreed. And so we began writing ‘Giving Away My Millions – The Amazing Story Of A Very Generous Multi Millionaire.’ And trust me, it REALLY IS an amazing story. As it says on the book’s ‘blurb’. Some people are very wealthy. Some people are very generous. And some people think that it’s better to give than to receive. All three of these apply to Tom. He’s also one of the nicest people you could wish to meet.

The Amazon page link for it is below. And remember, if a tramp shuffles up to you one day and asks you if you can spare him a cigarette. Or if someone driving a £150,000 Bentley asks you for a pound on a pay and display car park, you might want to give him one as you may end up a couple of hundred quid better off for doing so!

Giving Away My Millions – Amazon UK

 

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For video trailers, newspaper articles and information about Nick and his books visit his Amazon author page at:

Nick Fisher Books – Amazon UK